Ex-girlfriend miffed at how custody battle is portrayed
By Angela MacIsaac - Daily News Staff Reporter
February 10, 2003
Kamloops Daily NewsA man using Mark Edward Dexel�s suicide to promote a crusade against the justice system�s treatment of child custody battles doesn�t know the whole story, says Dexel�s ex-girlfriend.
[ex-spouse], 33, has taken offence to reports by Todd Eckert, president of the Parent and Child Advocacy Coalition, that Dexel, 42, killed himself because he had no chance of seeing his two-year-old son [Mark's son].
Dexel�s body was found Jan. 24 in a Kamloops motel. It�s believed he hung himself on the one-year anniversary of the last time he saw [Mark's son].
Eckert claimed last week that Dexel wrote [ex-spouse] letters asking for access but was denied.
[ex-spouse] said Sunday she was only protecting her youngest son.
�The story (Eckert) is yelling is so one-sided, so distorted. He doesn�t even know,� [ex-spouse] said. It�s not about the parents. It�s about what�s best for the child.�
An on-again, off-again relationship ended after five and a half years due to Dexel�s mental instability and problems with drugs and alcohol, she said.
�Two minutes before the judge came out, I found out he was consenting to full custody for me. He denied himself access and asked for a restraining order.
�He was permitted by the judge to make a speech.It was disgusting and defamatory. He was making accusations against my family and me. I was not allowed to speak.�
The court order granted [ex-spouse] sole custody of [Mark's son] with no physical access for Dexel. The father was permitted to send gifts and cards, though.
The nightmare had only just begun, said [ex-spouse].
With a short time, she said, she received two envelopes from Dexel.
One was to be opened on the 18th birthday of her twin sons, now 11, with whom Dexel acted as a father though he had no biological relation. The other was to be opened on [Mark's son]�s 16th birthday.
�There was a no-contact order and he broke it,� [ex-spouse] said. �I opened them and he made more disgusting remarks about me and my family.�
�There was a no-contact order and he broke it,� [ex-spouse] said. � I opened them an he made more disgusting remarks about me and my family.�
In June, Dexel sent her harassing e-mails, she said, and she learned of Web sites that Dexel set up to damage her and her parents reputation.
Both were shut down when [ex-spouse]' lawyer filed complaints with the Ashcroft RCMP, she said.
The next month, she said, Dexel filed court orders demanding her children be supervised while visiting her parents.
When they went to court, she said, he announced he was filing for sole custody.
In criminal court, [ex-spouse] said, Dexel pled guilty to criminal harassment, through the Web sites, and was put on Probation for 18 months
�The judge said he could gain access to [Mark's son] through family court but he never showed up.�
He filed more applications against [ex-spouse] but did not appear for their last scheduled court date-Jan.22.
Two days later, he was found dead.
It was a grim reminder of her fathers suicide on her ninth birthday, [ex-spouse] said.
�This is all very sad for me. I understand because I know Mark was not well Mentally.�
She came to terms with her father�s death just last November, she said.
�I went to his grave for the first time since I was nine. I went around Thanksgiving and I said my peace. I healed myself.�
Now, however, she must deal with [Mark's son]�s healing-When he�s old enough to understand.
�It�s one day at a time. I don�t want him to know the bad things, just the good. �I�m sad for my son. He won�t grow up with his father. I know what that�s like.�
The process is made more frustrating by Eckert�s use of Dexel�s suicide to further his cause for noncustodial parents.
Eckert has not only posted a copy of the court order from last March to a Web site but he also obtained Dexel�s suicide notes and posted them. A disclaimer on the Web site says he is a �spokesman for the family and a personal friend� of Dexel and that he has permission from the family.
�He doesn�t know the whole story,� [ex-spouse] said.
She said Dexel, who has four biological children and one adopted child, never played a role of parent to [Mark's son], nor had he paid any child support to her for [Mark's son].
In fact, she said, Dexel had alienated himself from many of his friends.
�I talked to a friend of his who knew him for 25 years. He didn�t even know Mark was living in Kamloops.�
Dexel�s depression and instability were so severe, she said, that she feared for her own safety and for her son�s safety.
�For the last year, I was constantly looking over my own shoulder. My own parents were so worried about us. This could have been much bigger and much uglier. I�m very thankful he didn�t take his whole family.�
[ex-spouse] said she wants to put the past behind her and move on with her life, one in which she is putting herself through college and supporting her three sons alone.
�I had a get-together with some of Mark�s friends. We shared the good stories. It was healing for me.
�Now, I�m making changes to the way I look at things. I�m not thinking with so much negativity. I�m thinking positively.�